Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Doser has been reflecting on the future. It doesn't look too good these days! What should The Doser do to give assurance to his future. The answer came easily: sue somebody where the jury is likely to go spatial and give a major award. The two paradigm cases that The Doser brings to mind are the coffee-in-the-groin case (after judgment, the judge reduced the jury’s punitive award from $2.7 million to $640 thousand.) The other is the prevent-the tenant's-child-from-falling-out-the-window case.($560,000.) The Doser mused: What do I have that is so highly merchantable? Then, there was a major break-through. An epiphany, really. Eighty three years ago, an emergency surgery was performed on The Doser. It was near The Doser's belly-button. Now, here's the money-making case: everybody else goes through life with a normal belly-button. They go through life with one of the two normal possibilities: an innie or an outie. Not The Doser! As a result of the conduct of that surgeon, The Doser has the life-diminishing alternative: either an ounie or an ittie. Neither innie nor outie. Different from other people. Humiliated. Stunted in life. Worth a lot. Off to the courthouse.